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satachan's Journal
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | High |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | Moderate |
| Antisocial: | Low |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | Low |
| Avoidant: | High |
| Dependent: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Moderate |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |
As you can see by the pics before, I tend to forget what row I'm on. It's still fully functioning though, and reaaaaaly soft.
( pics )
Current mood:
contemplative.
These are some photos from my cell-phone while I was taking a walk outside of my surrounfings and a couple of my mini-garden in pots.
After much dispute over myself I’ve decided to follow Theravada. (Yes, I know how this sounds. Mahayana! Theravada! And back and forth again! But really, I thought to myself. Isn’t the whole point of going from one religion to another (I haven’t completely turned my back to Orthodox Christianity mind you, just maybe to the side) about feeling confident and secure in your beliefs? And if Theravada makes sense, and Mahayana sounds to glorifying, then there’s only one clear winner, isn’t there?
Well, that’s that then, I just wanted to share. Now on to other thingsI’m currently knitting a shawl, because I think they look nice and are over priced in almost every clothing store with <a href=http://www.joann.com/joann/catalog.jsp?C
My favorite sutra so far from the Mahayana Sanskrit Canon (I think that’s what it’s called) so far is the Diamond Sutra. The reason being is because I’ve recognizes some of the teachings that it has and there is less of that “Praise” “Almighty” stuff that I’m trying to get away from Christianity.
The Amitabha Sutra had that problem from me. It listed out all these praises.
“In Praise Of Amitabha
Amitabha's body is the color of gold,
The splendor of his hallmarks has no peer;
The light of his brow shines around a hundred worlds,
Wide as the seas are his eyes pure and clear.
Shining in his brilliance by transformation
Are countless Bodhisattvas and infinite Buddhas.
His forty-eight vows will be our liberation,
In nine lotus stages we reach the farthest shore.
Homage to the Buddha of the Western Pure Land,
Kind and Compassionate Amitabha (3x)
Namo Amita Buddha “
This makes Amitabha look like an all-powerful god. Now, don’t get me wrong Amitabha is great and all, I recognize his achievements, but still, Amitabha isn’t a god, he is a former human who fought and suffered and learned just like everyone else. Praising him is right and all, but downright worship seems very over the top to me.
Surprisingly, the most memorable word from the Buddha I remember is from the Theravada Dammapada,
Knowing this body
Is like a clay jar,
Securing this mind
Like a fort
Attack Mara
With the spear of discernment,
Then guard what’s won
Without settling there
Without laying claim.
--40 Cittavagga, The Mind
This is the best thing I can relate to in Buddhism. The problem is that it is in Theravada. I can relate to Theravada a lot and I would prefer to be a part of it. The problem I have is the Theravada attitude to women and it’s overall strictness and emphasis on the monastery. I’m a woman and I don’t want to permanently join a monastery. I’ll participate in a “service” of sorts, but for a few hours each week not for months or years.
The reason that I came to Buddhism in the first place is because I knew it was mainly atheistic and focused on two main things.
That’s what enlightenment’s for right?
I’ve looked into it a bit more and I’ve figured out Mahayana is more “polytheistic” rather than “atheistic” although the Buddhas are not gods. The Buddha is above a god in that a god is a sentient being that has not reached enlightenment and is still subject to samsara.
I've deleted all of my previous posts because I wanted to start from scratch again and actually do something with this journal. If there are any stories or chapters that you were following comment or contact me and I'll direct you to my fanfiction page.